1. Slow down!
Fast sex is usually unsatisfying sex (except occasionally). Make sure that lovemaking lasts at least half an hour. Women usually need this long to be
fully aroused, so speedy sex can often mean she will never reach orgasm. Enjoy the journey as much as the arrival!
Allow your whole body to give and receive pleasure. Sex is not just about the genitals. Enjoy caressing each other in every nook and cranny!
3. Don't worry
Don't worry too much if your lovemaking pattern is sporadic. Sexual desire can be affected by tiredness, life stages, illness or even the weather
(people make love more in the summer!). Look for quality as much as quantity.
4. Work on life outside the bedroom
The quality of your day to day relationship is very important in maintaining a happy sex life. If you have a relationship characterized by tension and
stress your sexual relationship will suffer. Make a special effort to deal with problem issues and your sex life should improve.
5. Take time out together
A boring life leads to a boring sex life. Take time out as a couple from the drudgery of every day life. Put aside an evening to cook a special meal or
watch a video (exciting!), go out for the day or take a weekend away when you can.
6. Put work second
Workaholics often lead sexless lives because even when they are not at their desk they are obsessing about work. Agree not to discuss work all evening
and have some fun instead.
7. Go on a 'date'
Book a 'sex date' together on a regular basis. If this seems contrived, bet you never thought this when you spent hours getting ready to meet your
lover on a Saturday night. Set the scene with soft lighting or candles, seductive music and a glass (but no more, or nothing will come up, if you get my drift) of wine. Just chill out together and enjoy the ride.
8. Become a sex scholar
Read a good sex advice book. You will find a plethora of books on the subject these days. Some favorites are 'How to make love to the same person for
the rest of your life' by Dagmar O'Connor (Virgin £5.99), 'Sex in Loving Relationships' by Sarah Litvinoff (Vermilion £9.99), 'Hot Monogamy' by Dr Patricia Love and Jo Robinson (Piatkus £8.99) and 'Dr Ruth's Guide
to Sensous and Erotic Pleasures' by Dr Ruth Westheimer and Dr Louis Lieberman (Robson Books £6.99).
If sexual arousal is a problem, fantasise yourself into an erotic landscape. For example, imagine yourself in an Alpine meadow with the grasses waving
over your head as you lay naked on cool grass, or on a warm beach with the sea lapping at your toes. You will find this helps you to relax and feel sexier.
Good sex is primarily about communication. Many people imagine that their partner should be a mind reader when making love, but would never expect this
in any other aspect of life. Tell your partner what you like, listen to what she enjoys and experiment with your desires.